Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize