Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This baby is an asshole
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
