On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
