if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sober January is a disaster.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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