I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
