Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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