Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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