ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
