A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
