I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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