Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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