Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
