god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i came on her dog
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
