remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She bit a glass in half.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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