I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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