I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
