I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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