I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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