I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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