Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize
