I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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