So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
