It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Found your dick twin last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
