That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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