Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
