Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
