People in love make me want to vomit
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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