I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
