We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Everything about him screamed your future.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
