Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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