even my farts smell like vagina
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Please don't give away my fajitas
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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