Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
