I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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