yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
