Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
