i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
