Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
