Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
