I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
