I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
