my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize