Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
