Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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