I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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