i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This house was built for laser tag.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
