there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
