I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
