Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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