i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
