There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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