If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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