she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
