dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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