Non-Jews are for practice
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
