omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
