Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
