in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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