youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
