i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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