I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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