FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize