I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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