i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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