When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
