I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize